Report by Daniel Mortlock:
Our annual celebration of all things Remnants is always is always a mid-summer highlight, but even moreso this year. Aside from the fact that we finally had a genuinely gorgeous evening, it was also going to be the official retirement game for Remnants legend Nick Johnson. Nick debuted for Remnants in the club's first season, although it wasn't until the mid-'80s that he became a regular player. In the ten-year stretch from 1986-1995 he was behind only (and inevitably) Tony Malik and Clarke Brunt in on-field contributions, with 1971 runs at 22.15 (equivalent to 30+ these days), 36 catches (along with a stumping), and 70 wickets at 15.44 during this time. And even after he stopped playing regularly he has appeared most seasons, either to play to spectate - or both. Teaming up with Faruk and Andy, Nick generously supplied us with beer and food for the BBQ, allowing us to run the evening as a charity game for local homeless charities. Combining the match fees and donations we raised £330.00, split evenly between Jimmy's (a community-based charity providing both support and housing to people who are rough sleeping) and Emmaus (a charity that offers a home, work and personal support to a community of formerly homeless people).
With 24 players signed up all was set . . . except we were lacking team names. An online club brainstorming session lead to some fun possibilities, inspired variously by the impending election (Remnants Of Austerity; Don't Bet Against Us; Super Majority vs. Simple Majority; and even the dangerous Mortlock For PM), the weather (It's A Heatwave vs. This Isn't Hot), the Twenty/20 World Cup (Hazelwood's Flight Home, a "hilarious" suggestion from Neil "fine-leg both ends" Grover), and even the sad death of statistician Frank Duckworth of Duckworth-Lewis fame (Golden Duckworth, Duckworth XI vs. Daddles XI). None of these quite stuck, though, and in the end the key inspiration came from Faruk Kara:
"Nick's retirement is a passing for me. Nick and I met at the lab where we were postgrads at UCL in the mid-'80s. When I moved to Cambridge he was working at the Cavendish Laboratory whilst writing up his PhD thesis. Nick was my only contact in Cambridge and he introduced me to the Remnants. I started at nets at Kelsey Kerridge - which started the first Wednesday of January and continued every week until the start of the season. It wasn't until the last net that I was approached by Geoff with his little A6 notebook, pencil in hand, asking about my availability for the next week. What I didn't realise at the time was you may play games, but you weren't a club member until you were invited - and passed - at the AGM! Geoff kept the membership between 30-35 players in those days. [By way of comparison, some 68 players turned out for Remnants in the 2022 season. - ed.] If the membership got too big, you just had to wait - no, really! So, thank you Nick: I owe you for some great memories and amazing friends I have made over the years."
With this connection revealed the answer became clear: Nick's Farwells, captained by Daniel Mortlock, would take on Faruk's Introductions, led by Joe White. In order to accommodate various players either arriving late or needing to leave early, Joe agreed to let the Farewells bat first . . .
. . . once again demonstrating that no good deed goes unpunished, as Cam Petrie hit 4 4 1 4 1 4 4 (i.e., 22 runs off 8 balls) off Joe's opening spell. Not that Cam spared the other bowlers, racing to retirement in the 5th (six-ball) over of the innings, his 35* (off 18 balls) making him the newest member of the Remnants 1000-run club. The Introductions then made something of a comeback as Vishal Vasanthakumar (1/21), Faruk Kara (0/25), Paul Jordan (0/20) and Julius Rix (0/19) kept the mid-innings scoring to no more than a run a ball, albeit without overly troubling the batters. The result was a rare four-player century partnership by Cam, Simon Godsill (31* of 40 balls, self-retiring to go dancing), Chris Badger (34* off 34 balls) and Nick Johnson (5 off 13 balls). Nick thus ended his Remnants batting career with 2184 runs at 19.33, commenting that the comprehensive manner of his dismissal has confirmed his retirement decision - not that there was any shame in being castled by Qaiser Ahmed (1/0) bowling at full pace with great rhythm. The Introductions' recovery now appeared to be complete: prior to Qaiser's 19th over maiden, Joe had conceded just 3 runs in the 18th, and with the Farewells on 123/2 a tight final over would leave the game perfectly balanced . . . but instead Martin Heginbotham (11* off 7 balls) picked up where Cam had left off an hour earlier, leaving Joe with his most expensive Remnants figures, 0/43 (which would have been recorded as 0/47 if he hadn't given the umpire a gentle reminder to signal a boundary as leg-byes). The Farewells had suddenly moved into strong favouritism with a final total of 145/2.
Still, a few good overs for the Introductions would see them right back in the game . . . but they instead endured a few disastrous overs as they slumped to be 3/3 at the hands of Naveen Chouksey (2/16) and Quentin Harmer (2/7, along with an unnecessarily-juggled catch off Naveen's bowling). James Robinson (21) and Qaiser Ahmed then mounted something of a comeback, although neither was able to score with the freedom exhibited by Cam and Martin earlier in the game, thanks largely to good bowling by Temoor Khan (2/11) and Tim Simmance (1/12, along with an even more unnecessarily-juggled catch off Temoor's bowling). With the total on 74 after the 11th over the Introductions were well up with the required run-rate; but, as the more astute readers might already have spotted from the above bowling figures, they were also in trouble at seven-down.
With the match all but over as a contest, things started to verge on the surreal. After Qaiser hit Daniel for a pair of dismissive boundaries to get to the retirement score of 35*, there were heckles from the pavilion that the new batters should get out (or be triggered) so that Qaiser could resume his single-handed run chase. And, sure enough two LBW decisions were given in quick succession, including Joe for a duck, hence completing his cruelly anti-karmic punishment with unwelcome third spot on the worst performances table. Any suggestion that the decisions were foul play was, however, rather negated by the fact that Qaiser was somehow already back in, having returned to the field of play on the dubious grounds that Introductions' last few batters were still padding up. Not that it made much difference as he was bowled a few balls later for 38 (the highest score of the game), Daniel extracting both a measure of revenge and tidy figures of 3/12. This took his season's record to a truly surreal 12 wickets at 4.33, giving him, one presumes temporarily, the best bowling average in a season.
Finally padded up, the Introductions' last pair now came together, giving the game its perfect third act as we got a flashback to the 'eighties as Paul (first Remnants game: 1985) and Faruk (first Remnants game: 1988) found themselves facing up to Nick (first Remnants game: 1980). We almost got the perfect finish when Paul chipped the ball towards Dave Green (first game: 1982), but the ball fell just short. That reprieve gave Daniel the chance to attempt what would have been the worst piece of captaincy in cricket history when he moved himself to leg-slip alongside two other fielders already behind square on the leg-side. Stephen Doel, now umpiring, had spotted this . . . but thankfully 'keeper Martin had too, and Daniel was thus intructed to move himself a few yards to the left. In possible mitigation, the whole second innings had seen a maelstrom of sub fielders going on and off the ground, in large part because Chris Badger, having arrived late and then had a decent knock, had then been on a work call from the second over onwards. So it was perhaps thematic that he finished the game by sauntering out onto the field and then, pretty much without breaking stride, taking the catch which ended a most enjoyable game.
The early finish - there were still almost 5 overs left to bowl - and late sunset then gave everyone the chance to soak in the evening with - thanks again to Nick, Andy and Faruk - food and drink in abundance.
